It was wonderful, thanks for asking, I enjoyed the smell of urine, and the homeless guy who offered to cut my hair for $3. There are just a few people in particular that I wanted to comment on and thank.
1. The black guy who was waiting for a taxi.
You didn’t get your taxi did you? well I know I did, because the taxi blatantly skipped you so that I wouldn’t have to wait another 15 seconds for another. While you might have been thinking "I cant get a taxi because I’m black", id like to think he gave me a ride because I wanted it more. Granted, you looked frustrated because you waited 10 minutes for a taxi to no avail, you must consider that I really wanted to get to Manhattan, so I could buy a delicious hotdog.
2. The women screaming profanities out her car window while listening to enya.
The irony you offered was stellar, here I thought enya was supposed to make you feel peaceful and calm, what a fool I was. You were stuck behind a mail truck, and the guy was fruitlessly trying to open that blue container that contained said mail. but instead of changing lanes, you felt it was in your best intentions to scream profusely at this asshole while I waited at a crosswalk. Your right, how dare he collect mail while you are driving, what was he thinking?
3. The well dressed gentleman in fubu who tried selling me an authentic Rolex presidential for $15
Here I thought that I would never have an opportunity to wear such an awesome piece of arm jewelry, but you have opened my eyes. you really have a corner on the market friend, Rolex shamefully tries selling these watches for $1000+, but you understand that not everyone can afford this. So like a hero in war jumping on a grenade, you jogged up to me, and offered a buy one get one deal. Thank you fubu guy, my dreams of owning a Rolex and a pair of oaklies almost came true.
4. The construction worker who called me an asshole
I only asked for you to point me in the direction of the subway, but instead, you enlightened me to what I really am. I really had no idea that I was infect an asshole, but because of your consideration, I now know. I’m going to now take your knowledge of myself to heart, and post an article about you on a forum that you will never attend, congrats construction guy, publicity comes in many ways.
5. The hotdog stand guy
Honestly, I don’t want ketchup on my hotdog, just mustard please. I know dealing with a customer who doesn’t want ketchup is difficult, but you managed to deal with grace. yes I am American, no, I’m not working for "o keida", but thanks for asking.
6. The chick who I said had a nice ass
I really didn’t think you would hear me, but since you have, I’m glad. You could have slapped me, called me a pervert, but instead you turned around w/ a giant smile that silently proclaimed "I love the cock". Also, id like to mention that my junk likes your tight jeans that had 2 printed hands on your ass and said Mudd, and the fact that 60% of your 90lbs was contained in your chest. Very delightful.
and last but surely not least.
7. The Burger king who thought it would be a bright idea to advertise your kids meals, while at the same time, blocking both the drive thru speaker and microphone.
Honestly, I didn’t drive to your restraunt to order food or anything, I just wanted to chat. And you made it clear that you didn’t enjoy the fact that I wasn’t speaking loud enough. I apologize for not using a bull horn to order my cheeseburger, next time I come to your food depository, ill be sure to skip the microphone all together, and just yell at you from the window, and at the same time, ill tell you at least 3 times that I don’t want a drink holder for my soda. In case you haven’t noticed, all cars since 1980 have had these fantastic inventions standard. Also, again, I really don’t want the 20 ketchup packets that are now strewn across the floor of my car, it would have been nice had you actually listened to me say "no ketchup" please, but I do understand that I’m asking allot. And if you could, please next time get me a sprite instead of coke, I also enjoyed that you didn’t put the top on it, and I ended up w/ a nice wonderful brown design on my pants as a result.
So now that vie thanked the wonderful people I met in new York, id like to end this by saying: Next time I come to new York, ill be sure to wear a red sox hat, assholes.
