Klaudia

awwww haha i'm sorry alexy. that monkey is named after the big P

heh heh heh..

that made me think of .. /hold up glass of milk

haha i thought they were onto me at work and i got all nervous =/ <-- forum troll from 9 to 5

Yeah, how about a writers/artists forum, I know we have a ton of artists in the guild as well. People can post their stories, poems, drawings, photographs.. etc, for critique/feedback. That would totally be a cool idea, um, only if I'm the moderator though XD /whip

Hehe its alright. I just can't help but tear apart the composition of everything I read =p Now that I understand what the purpose of this narrative was, I got where you're coming from. If you did consider turning it into a short story I hope my points will be helpful! And yeah, I love writing, I do [not enough of] it and I'm considering posting some more here for critiquing purposes. We should have a seperate writer's forum =p That would be hawttttt! /poke Hykos

Alright heh I'm gonna attempt to tear this apart. Allow me to first say that it was written quite well and was relatively easy to follow. Now, the first thing I noticed was there was no conflict. I realize the title of the story is "A Perfect Day" heh buuut, without a conflict and a resolution the reader may feel like they didn't necessarily learn something from the story. A story doesn't exactly NEED conflict to be good, but it does help the read to feel that the story accomplished something. I noticed the mention of the main character's luck a few times, which could help bring some sort of conflict into the story. Perhaps something goes wrong with the article he is working on, but it gets sorted out for him, in which he gives credit to his luck. Or perhaps, adding more to the title of the story, the main character has been having a series of bad days but today everything seems to be going right. That way the reader feels happy for the main character, because his life is improving. If the reader is under the impression that every day is just this good for the main character, they may feel no emotion for him, because its quite impossible for every day to be perfect =p thus taking away the reality of the story. From the story we understand that the main character is a journalist/sports writer for a large newspaper. Now I'm not exactly sure how knowledgeable you are about journalism, and hey I'm no guru either [although I totally did write for the school newspaper for 3 years =p] but I'm pretty sure its quite a grueling and time-consuming profession. I find it unlikely that this man would work a 9 to 5 as a journalist, who often work well into the night on reports. This can be easily remedied by nothing that perhaps he is not a daily writer, that he does more long-term projects. The dialogue is pretty good; I enjoyed the part about the ridiculous waiter =p Although your spanish needs some corrections =x I think one of my biggest concerns is the use of obvious detail. For example, take this paragraph: "I place a bed slipper over each foot as I lumber towards the first place I go to every time I am awakened to begin a new day...the bathroom. After relieveing myself, I turn on the hot water in the bathtub. As it begins to steam up, the smell from the kitchen begins to flow into my nostrils. The hypnotic trance of eggs, pancakes, fresh fruit, and bacon begins to overwhelm me. I begin to speed my pace of getting ready for the day, as I look forward to the meal that is being prepared. A quicker shower than usual, it seems. I pride myself on my haste as I begin to put on my clothes. " While it provides detail as to what the character is doing, the reader can already assume that that is what he is going to do. Instead, tell this scene through his senses only. To let us know what is going on, simply state the character is going through his daily morning routine, skip the details and go straight to how he is feeling. Okay haha I need to get back to work [.. yea, I'm at work o_0] but I'll correct what I wrote when I get home and add some more. Thanks for posting this and I hope to see more of your writing here!

awwwwwwwwww... /love the both of you this thread is makin me all giggly

i don't get it!!!!!!

LOL whoopies XD

awwwwwwwwwwww /squeal i ordered wow and ended up with a hus.. err boyfriend, /love kasy

QFT

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE (+1)

FINALLY awwwwwwwwww fpatl<3333333333 lol bw has a large CRANIUM

LOL shhhhhh, i'm trying to improve on it ok =-[

weeeeeeeeeee! i'll make kasy buy it. *bats eyes* ....ZELDA <333333333

-shrug- its just gotten rather off topic and fiesty~!

what the hell language is this in

this thread needs to be locked x_x well alec i encourage you to keep writing, i'd love to know how your story continues. i'm also interested in hearing the facts and quotes you spoke of from other people and professionals, that seems quite intruiging. if you ever need someone to edit it for ya i'd love to! =]

o_0 i thought they made up and everything is peachy? WHAT YOU SAYIN?!!?

and I love you. <3

LOL YOURE a pixie furbolg, bw

Some more friendly advice from klakla: Remember that people can't necessarily hear your tone in a novel either, which is why its very important to make sure what you're saying is taken how you want it to. Not every reader will take what you say how you want them to [as with the "normal" situation]. This is where your point of view really comes into play, in order to set the mood you really want. Check out this tip from writersdigest.com: "Point of view choice affects everything in a story. Setting (which objects to describe and what words to use in that description), tone, theme….point of view is a beginning foundation rather like choosing a platform for a political party. Within the choice of point of view comes the issue of perspective. The point of view choice, inner limited, means, for instance, that we’ll feel very close to the character, entering his thoughts and emotions. Choosing which character to use for perspective will determine the tone and mood because that character’s perspective will color the language. Consider the following two descriptions. Both are inner limited point of view (one character’s viewpoint), but one is from the perspective of a character who is looking forward to the birth of her child. The second is from the perspective of a parent who has just come from a child’s funeral. 1. Outside her window, fog wisps in and out of fir and cedar rather like a fine-weave shawl around the shoulders of a seductive woman. Birds, unseen, create a muted melody that waltzes the fog this way and that. A shimmering drop of water hangs on the cedar nearest the window. It captures light from an invisible source and creates a cascade of rainbows before finally swelling and setting itself free from the branch. 2. Outside her window, fog cuts off the tops of the gray cedar and fir as though the world were dying from the top down. Birds, under cover from the ever-ceasing dripping, mutter like crazed monks. One large drop of water clings to the branch of a nearby cedar, flashes color once from some forgotten source of light, then falls, lost among all the other drops that fell before. Any difficulty in identifying which is which? One character will create a very different emotional tone for the story from the other—but both involve inner limited point of view. Thus point of view often involves choosing a perspective that will affect tone and attitude that affects every word choice made. The point of view technique should harmonize with the tone and suit the mood of your story." Hope that helps a bit!

Thanks alec =] omg really alexy??! haha send them to meeeeeeeee

now lemme just say i'm not a huge fan of poetry buuuuuut i wrote this poem a while ago and i enjoy its existence. all kinds of critique are welcome! i'll prolly post something longer later, but this is just for now. i’ve heard this song many times before i know every word every syllable inside every word every tone inside every syllable as they slip off his slurring mouth and drip onto the microphone clumsily staggering about in a drunken state they’ve got a sense of beauty in their motion, just enough to fade into and blacker than ink they dance together in a waltz. i know every beat, every note birthed by the instruments hanging in the air, screaming like fireworks brighter than the sun and ill feel them as they choke down my throat scratching my lungs as they travel deep down into my heart where they matter most where ill keep them and ill remember them when i hear this song again. - amanda c.