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Actual court transcripts:


> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

> WITNESS: No, I just lay there.


> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?


> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

> WITNESS: I forget.

> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

> forgot?


> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

> morning?

> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

> WITNESS: My name is Susan!


> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

> WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?


> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?


> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

> WITNESS: Uh....I was gettin laid!


> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?


> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

> WITNESS: None.

> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

> WITNESS: You're kidding, right? Your Honor, I think I need a

> different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

> WITNESS: By death.

> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

> WITNESS: Now, whose death do you suppose terminated it?


> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

> WITNESS: Guess.


> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go

> to?

> WITNESS: Oral.


> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

> pulse?


> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?


> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?


> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

> began the autopsy?


> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

> nevertheless?

> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

> practicing law.






"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,

I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love

to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and


--Mariah Carey


"Smoking kills.. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of

your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal

anti-smoking campaign .


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in

the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and

I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas .


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's

the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President


"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix "

-- Dan Quayle


"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"

--Lee Iacocca


"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of


-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .


"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they

go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the

next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we

received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply

if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina


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