25 Things

I generally do not like to share these kinds of things with other people on the internetz. However, this one I enjoyed a lot.

 

25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years

 

 

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

 

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

 

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

 

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

 

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

 

6. A penny saved is worthless.

 

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.

 

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

 

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

 

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

 

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

 

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

 

13. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amature build The Ark. A large group of professionals build The Titanic

 

14. Nobody is normal.

 

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that

 

* The universe is even bigger than they thought!

* There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!

* Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

 

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

 

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

 

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example

 

* If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobile's, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.

* If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.

* If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.

* If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.

 

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

 

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

 

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

 

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

 

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

 

24. Your friends love you anyway.

 

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

 

I love our Guardians

Daylight savings time was created to save energy. By changing the clocks by an hour, we make sure we have an additional hour's worth of day light.

 

1 hours worth of electricity x number of humans participating in DST = a heck of a lot of energy saved!

Daylight savings time was created to save energy. By changing the clocks by an hour, we make sure we have an additional hour's worth of day light.

 

1 hours worth of electricity x number of humans participating in DST = a heck of a lot of energy saved!

 

but what you REALLY mean, is that by tricking the sun into thinking its actually earlier than it really is, he produces an extra hour of energy, because he can't believe its not bedtime yet, so he thinks by exerting himself he will be more tired and will fall asleep faster. mmhmm.

Wow Klaudia, lol.

That statement is so crazy that it almost makes sense.

I believe it.

Daylight saving time is the convention of advancing clocks so that afternoons have more daylight and mornings have less. Typically clocks are adjusted forward one hour near the start of spring and are adjusted backward in autumn; several ancient cultures lengthened each summer daylight hour instead. Modern DST was first proposed in 1907 by William Willett, and saw its first widespread use in 1916 as a wartime measure aimed at conserving coal. Despite controversy, many countries have used it since then; details vary by location and change occasionally.

 

DST is said to save electricity by reducing the need for artificial evening lighting, but the evidence for this is weak, and DST can boost peak demand, increasing overall electricity costs.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

 

Might I direct everyone to your /played time on this one.

 

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

 

And this one totally reminds me of something Michael Bailey would say.

They should have someone read this over a catchy techno beat

 

maybe you'll marry...maybe you won't...

Edited July 31, 2007 by Vanin

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

 

WTF what a noob...the badness of a movie is directly proportional to how long Adam Sandler or Lindsay Lohan are in it. Blackhawk down was an awesome war movie and is probably close to the HPM record (helicopters per minute).

lol Beorn

Apocalypse Now is THE war movie!

 

Damn, Vanin beat me to it!

Titan!... Where the fVckhave you been!!!?

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

 

I lol'ed. It's happened